i'm not oblivious to people's actions around me.
and what makes me confused is... the emotions i feel for what i shouldn't be feeling.
i'm really falling for tofu right now. everything about him is just so mesmerizing.
the way he acts.. the way he plays badminton. i've always had a thing for badminton players.
i always fall for them! maybe because we have similar interests. but we've gotten closer ever since he added me on facebook. he eventually added everyone else too. or everyone else did. i dunno. but he would comment on my status and we'd talk and tlak down. and i'd be so sorry for those people linked to the conversation. then at badminton training, we'd talk to. he'd make fun of me. ie. tell me to run more so i could grow taller. then sometimes he'd take the birdies and smash them at me. LOL the best part of all is he would coach me. if i did something wrong, he would come help me. he doesn't talk to the other girls. really. i did notice. the thing is.. he has a GIRLFRIEND! why do u do this to me!! why.....
today i went for a drink and he came out.. and we were just standing outside maybe for like 5 minutes just talking. then we went back in together. and sat down together. later on i asked him to play with me. lol. i was sucky (of course) haha.
and then today at night we talked about happy farm. i would never touch that thing, but he told me to play it so i did. later on he asked what place was he in my friends list... and i told him i dont' know where to look for it. then return fox messaged me online saying that he gave tofu my phone number for something. and next thing i knew, i got a call... it was him calling to.. like sort of tell me how to use it and stuff. lol . later on i texted back saying he was 6th place... and we texted each other twice.
but think about.. why would he go thru lengths to get my phone just for something so trivial? WHY?
and return fox telling me that he's willing to watch love in disguise with me... its so not his type of movie and why would he be willing to spend that money to watch it? it's a waste of money for him. why oh why. (p.s. i posted online asking who wants to watch it with me). aiy.........
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
why oh why
why oh why does this alway happen to me?
the guys that like me i dont' like.
the guys that i like don't like me.
there's someone i like right now.
but he has a girlfriend.
why oh why....
life sucks.
anyways he didn't catch my eye before. but now he did.
this isn't right. i shouldn't be thinking so much.
the guys that like me i dont' like.
the guys that i like don't like me.
there's someone i like right now.
but he has a girlfriend.
why oh why....
life sucks.
anyways he didn't catch my eye before. but now he did.
this isn't right. i shouldn't be thinking so much.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Yonex Open Badminton
I don't forget people that do things that are touching. Like Joker for example,
he said "i'm worried about you" ... I don't know if he was thinking in the chinese way or the english way. It's so hard to know the meaning behind these semi-english phrases my friends say.
Then at the Yonex Open Badminton game (so COOL) it was pouring rain when we got to the stadium. I was holding the umbrella with Joker and he said that he'll hold the umbrella. AWWWW. I love it when guys do that. It' just right. They ought to be the ones holding the umbrella. XD
Then return fox said to tofu (badminton coach) that he wouldn't be able to go to the badminton competition because he had stuff to do. But because I said that I wanted to go, he changed his mind and said he'll drive me. Well he didn't say he'll drive me. But he changed his mind. and then i said.. "go go go .. and then you could give me a ride."
As well, I was late for our meeting time, return fox said for me to get off at the hospital station and so he could give me a ride over. What a nice person.
And he gave me a mask for me to wear ~cuz its a long the way to ShinZhuang. 新莊. He wore one as well.
Anyways he's been very kind to me these past few days I must say. I hope it stays that way.
he said "i'm worried about you" ... I don't know if he was thinking in the chinese way or the english way. It's so hard to know the meaning behind these semi-english phrases my friends say.
Then at the Yonex Open Badminton game (so COOL) it was pouring rain when we got to the stadium. I was holding the umbrella with Joker and he said that he'll hold the umbrella. AWWWW. I love it when guys do that. It' just right. They ought to be the ones holding the umbrella. XD
Then return fox said to tofu (badminton coach) that he wouldn't be able to go to the badminton competition because he had stuff to do. But because I said that I wanted to go, he changed his mind and said he'll drive me. Well he didn't say he'll drive me. But he changed his mind. and then i said.. "go go go .. and then you could give me a ride."
As well, I was late for our meeting time, return fox said for me to get off at the hospital station and so he could give me a ride over. What a nice person.
And he gave me a mask for me to wear ~cuz its a long the way to ShinZhuang. 新莊. He wore one as well.
Anyways he's been very kind to me these past few days I must say. I hope it stays that way.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Fear
Fear.
It's such a powerful feeling.
That tightening of your muscles.
The shortness of breath.
The adrenaline rush.
It's too much to bear.
Today I actually felt fear. For the first time in a while.
Fear that like all the movies I've watched, there was someone after us.
That someone was so powerful he found us in another country.
That someone that taunted my childhood and my adolescence.
I was actually scared for me, my mom, and my whole family's relationship.
What if....
What if...
I hate him so much with my life.
Sometimes I wonder how his kids are like now.
Because I will slowly get my revenge on him.
How do I subdue this fear? By turning it into revenge.
Revenge for making me scared. For doing this to my mom.
I will ruin him.
I will ruin him for doing this to me.
If he stalks us again. I won't be so easygoing this time.
It's such a powerful feeling.
That tightening of your muscles.
The shortness of breath.
The adrenaline rush.
It's too much to bear.
Today I actually felt fear. For the first time in a while.
Fear that like all the movies I've watched, there was someone after us.
That someone was so powerful he found us in another country.
That someone that taunted my childhood and my adolescence.
I was actually scared for me, my mom, and my whole family's relationship.
What if....
What if...
I hate him so much with my life.
Sometimes I wonder how his kids are like now.
Because I will slowly get my revenge on him.
How do I subdue this fear? By turning it into revenge.
Revenge for making me scared. For doing this to my mom.
I will ruin him.
I will ruin him for doing this to me.
If he stalks us again. I won't be so easygoing this time.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Starbucks
今天我發點訊给避虎說我在starbucks喝晚上茶 ＝）
make him jealous a bit
last time he texted me saying he was at starbucks drinking afternoon tea XD
然後他們打完球就來找我～～ ㄎㄎ
They actually came and looked for me!
I thought it was really nice and i was really glad to see them~
First i saw Joker and i was like.. is that him and i saw him with the badminton bag behind him.
Then I saw ㄚ龐 ~
ㄚ龐說他是來看我在跟誰讀書.....!!!!!
They were on their way to Mika.
It was nice seeing them and having them visit me. Return fox really likes starbucks I noticed.
make him jealous a bit
last time he texted me saying he was at starbucks drinking afternoon tea XD
然後他們打完球就來找我～～ ㄎㄎ
They actually came and looked for me!
I thought it was really nice and i was really glad to see them~
First i saw Joker and i was like.. is that him and i saw him with the badminton bag behind him.
Then I saw ㄚ龐 ~
ㄚ龐說他是來看我在跟誰讀書.....!!!!!
They were on their way to Mika.
It was nice seeing them and having them visit me. Return fox really likes starbucks I noticed.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Where am I?
today i totally blanked out and i started having visions of my life in canada... and wen i snapped back into reality.. i was like.. where on earth am i.. and why am i still in taiwan????? summer ended months ago..
sometimes this feels like a big dream.. that one day i'll wake upi want to wake up from this hectic life i'm in..
and sometimes i make myself busy with a bunch of stuff so i dont' have time to think
i dont' want to think i'm scared if i start thinking .. the tears will start to well up
i feel like i don't belong here
i need something to 安定my heart..
i know what it is.. but i can't seem to find it
this is all a dream
please tell me it is?
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Some funny things worth remembering:
Today meeting two guys at the volleyball court, one having a girlfriend already so i gave him up. Another one was moderately tall and he was really good in volleyball .. <3 But i probably won't see him again. Haha
I did notice him taking a picture of me eating watermelon my 吃像！！
and the only words i spoke to him are .. i'm from canada. she's from africa. and he said you're getting better and better at volleyball.
Ok yah but it was nice noticing a new guy to like.
Something that happened last thursday it was raining and i was so intent on going to play badminton. Then return fox msged us all saying no practice cuz it was raining outside.. and then i replied saying "are u kidding me? it's just a bit of rain".. LOL i think that reply was hilarious. and i heard that wei nen wang replied saying "im going still.. do u want to come" so then he ended up going.
Oh and that jacket he wore that day was really nice.
Finally a guy wears something nice.. in taiwan that i approve of.
Today meeting two guys at the volleyball court, one having a girlfriend already so i gave him up. Another one was moderately tall and he was really good in volleyball .. <3 But i probably won't see him again. Haha
I did notice him taking a picture of me eating watermelon my 吃像！！
and the only words i spoke to him are .. i'm from canada. she's from africa. and he said you're getting better and better at volleyball.
Ok yah but it was nice noticing a new guy to like.
Something that happened last thursday it was raining and i was so intent on going to play badminton. Then return fox msged us all saying no practice cuz it was raining outside.. and then i replied saying "are u kidding me? it's just a bit of rain".. LOL i think that reply was hilarious. and i heard that wei nen wang replied saying "im going still.. do u want to come" so then he ended up going.
Oh and that jacket he wore that day was really nice.
Finally a guy wears something nice.. in taiwan that i approve of.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
心煩
Maybe it was just me thinking too much all the time,
Thinking that we were more than just friends
but it turns out that i might be just a friend to you.
I hate the emotional upturns and downturns that I'm experiencing right now.
Maybe I need to lock onto some other target.
And I feel like I'm using Lulu too.
Whenever I'm in a bad mood, he's the person that i go to.
Ugh i don't know what to think anymore.
Thinking that we were more than just friends
but it turns out that i might be just a friend to you.
I hate the emotional upturns and downturns that I'm experiencing right now.
Maybe I need to lock onto some other target.
And I feel like I'm using Lulu too.
Whenever I'm in a bad mood, he's the person that i go to.
Ugh i don't know what to think anymore.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Skype.. finally
Yesterday (satuday)
you finally called me.
It was about time.
I missed seeing you and talking to you.
For some reason talking to you really brightens my day.
Even if outside my door there's a war raging on~ i could ignore it all.
新哥's brother asked if I were to choose between you to, who do I like more.
What could i say at that moment in time? Of course I wouldn't choose one, but obviously I do like you more.
you finally called me.
It was about time.
I missed seeing you and talking to you.
For some reason talking to you really brightens my day.
Even if outside my door there's a war raging on~ i could ignore it all.
新哥's brother asked if I were to choose between you to, who do I like more.
What could i say at that moment in time? Of course I wouldn't choose one, but obviously I do like you more.
Missing you
Okay I know for sure I haven't been keeping up.
But I hope I could update regularly.
Maybe this place would be the place to vent, to talk, to just pour out my emotions you know?
Anyways I just wanted to say that.
I miss you guys.
Seriously.
Not talking to you guys or seeing you guys has made me realize how much I rely on you guys in my life.
And now you guys have left me.
I hope things could go back to the way they were when you guys return.
But I hope I could update regularly.
Maybe this place would be the place to vent, to talk, to just pour out my emotions you know?
Anyways I just wanted to say that.
I miss you guys.
Seriously.
Not talking to you guys or seeing you guys has made me realize how much I rely on you guys in my life.
And now you guys have left me.
I hope things could go back to the way they were when you guys return.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
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